Sex is a word that strikes terror in the hearts of survivors of incest and child sexual assault. Many survivors spend years going from one failed relationship to another. Others, like me, run from the slightest hint of a romantic relationship. I avoided men for years. In my world, men were terrifying and dangerous and sex was just another word for violence and pain.
Collectively, I spent 12 years in therapy. My recovery journey is told in Reaching for the Light. My favorite parts are the last two chapters that describe the miracle that came into my life in March of 2006. I was 44 and had finally reached the point in my life where I felt brave enough to try dating. I didn't know it but God had a plan.
My friend introduced me to the idea of internet dating. I loved talking to guys within the safe confines of my computer. And then one day I see the profile of a guy who says he's a drummer for his church band. We start chatting online and my whole life changed forever. God had lead me to my sweet David.
The full story of the development of our relationship is told in Reaching for the Light so just here I will say that trying to have a relationship with me was a real challenge for David. I didn't make it easy for him but he hung in there. Today we are happily married.
I owe a huge and grateful debt of gratitude to author and therapist Wendy Maltz for her book The Sexual Healing Journey. This is a MUST READ for every survivor. This fabulous book contains exercises that survivors who have loving partners can do together to help the survivor heal these deeply wounded parts. Example include non-sexual touching such as back rubs not leading to sex. Maltz writes this is an important part of a survivor's healing journey. The information in this book has been enormously helpful to David and I. With time, patience, and love from my sweet man, I have learned what sex is supposed to be.
Beautiful and wonderful!